Last Sunday night I wrote this on my Facebook page …
What makes my Mumma heart happy at the end of a Mother’s Day when I’ve had none of my adult ‘kids’ nearby? Having had conversations with each of them – the uniqueness, preciousness and delight of each one is so extraordinary!
In my conversation with Matthew, he said “You’re just about the best Mum I could hope for, I’d take you top-of-the-barrel over any other Mum!” I first let his love wash over and land in me. Then because it was Matthew, and I know that part of his uniqueness is he enjoys exploring these things, I asked him what it was about me that made him say that. He named a couple things that I knew, and still appreciated hearing.
Next, I wondered out loud whether there were things that would’ve made me a better Mum for him. From across the continent – he lives in Vancouver – I could hear the gears turning.
He came up with four things – the first …
- “You’d be right here giving me a hug” and then quickly added, “that’s not a badness, it would just be better!” … mmm, yup, I get it! I’d like that too!
One of those hugs – a moment of delight we’d both love to share
- “You’d experiment with playing a simple role playing game and be able to share one of my passions” … yeah, and though at this point that one seems unlikely, I really get the desire for me to share that with you.
- “When I was growing up you’d have stirred the pasta pot more often – that way the noodles wouldn’t have clumped together so much!” … uh huh – sorry about that one babe, I got that one down now 🙂
- “You’d have taken more time for yourself when we were growing up. You’d have been more ‘self-happy’ rather than so ‘other-happy’ focused” … wow, that one really touched me – I felt seen and known and loved.
I so clearly remember over 25 years ago near the beginning of my personal growth journey engaging a reflection to name my core values. I came up with 4 words – laugh, love, touch and transform. Since way back when they were kids (Matthew would’ve been about 10 at the time) I’ve wanted and held intention for more fun and lightness. Yet, though this has been clear, there’ve been other places I’ve focused my attention.
Over the years, the practices I’ve continued to explore and engage have brought enormous transformation. I know the love that flows through me has touched and made a difference in my own and many other lives. And there are certainly moments of laughter, but what I’ve named
Experiencing life with a playful, light touch
remains an area I’ve long intended (and longed) to embody more. It’s why the ‘Gifts’ I wrote about in my last eNews were (and continue to be!) so delightfully important.
So I was inspired by Drew Dudley’s TEDx talk The Leadership Game – creating cultures of leadership.
Drew shared a 3 Step practice he’s developed for having our values inform how we live.
- After first identifying your values
- Get clear on what these words really mean to you. Coming to the clarity of these two steps is part of the powerful Code process developed by my mentor and colleague Lissa Boles
- Drew’s third step was the new one for me. Along with the leaders he was working with, Drew created a series of questions they asked and answered every day as a way of knowing they’d lived their core values. It’s this I’ve begun to practice myself, and now include as part of the Code integration process with those I facilitate in their Code discovery.
Delighting the senses – warmth, water, wind …
So the question I came up with that’s related to my intention and longing to “Experience life with a playful, light touch” that I ask myself in the morning as I’m preparing to step into my day, and then reflect on at the end of the day is “Where have I noticed and savoured moments of delight with each of my senses today?”
This practice combines holding the intention and reflecting on my lived experiences. It not only asks me what I’m noticing in my life, it calls me to appreciate and celebrate the ways I’ve embodied my intention. I don’t know about you, but I know I’m much more practiced at noticing and reflecting on ways I’ve not lived as I most desired, and much less practiced at noticing and celebrating when I have. This appreciation and celebration anchors more fully my experience of becoming more the woman I came here to be. And that’s a delight – a way of becoming more ‘self-happy’ focused.
What do you think? How might this practice look in your life? There’s no right or wrong here, and your responses will be unique to you. Do you know what’s really important for you – in real words, not just those jargon words we think we ‘should’ be living? If you were living them, what would be happening in your life? What would you be doing, or not doing?! Are there parts of this clear for you and others not? If you’re curious or have questions about this, I’d love to hear from you.