As it turned out, I actually spent the week nurturing my relationship with me – this time the me feeling wretched – sick with the flu … yes, ‘that flu’ we’ve been hearing about this last winter.
Notice, accept, and nurture – creating a different relationship with what is … for me this week, the flu.
One of the things I noticed last Sunday when I realized I was getting sick is there was a part of me that thought of this as a failure. Do you remember those signs on factory gates announcing the number of days ‘accident free’?! This part of me was feeling that my being sick was spoiling my record of over 6 years of being healthy!
Fortunately, it was pretty easy to notice this, and just smile lovingly at the humanity showing up in me. Here was a perfect opportunity to invite myself into creating a different relationship with what was actually happening.
So I cut myself some slack. I quit pressing. Rather than what I might have done in the past – trying to figure out how much I could still accomplish without doing myself in – I allowed myself to go SLOW. And in doing that I began to discover some of the freedom in intentionally creating a different relationship with my ‘sick self’.
A week later I continue to give myself permission to take things easy. Though I do now, once again, have a voice, having 4 nights in a row where my achy, feverish sleep was interrupted every 60-90 minutes has taken its toll.
Each day, I needed to get clear about what was actually important to attend to – lots of rescheduling was done, and I learned (yet again!) that life can and does go on without my presence!
Another difference for me this time? While I’m very aware that there are many who suffer much more profound illness than I have this week, and I have particular compassion for those who deal with chronic disease or pain processes, I gave myself permission to validate how awful I felt. Rather than minimizing it, I treated myself with care.
What a difference a week makes – discovering
signs of Spring in my garden this morning!
One of the discoveries I absolutely didn’t expect was the creative richness of those restless, sleep deprived nights of fevered delirium!
Remember I said one of my plans during this week had been to have Dave Buck record me sharing a client success story? Well, that didn’t happen. On the morning that was planned, I could barely muster a whisper of a voice.
BUT – as I’d tossed and turned during the night, my experiences with that client played through my mind so many times. Each time, the nuances of it felt more clearly etched in my body. I got up thinking, I’m ready, I can do this – that is, until I tried to talk and discovered I could only whisper. Still, I’m looking forward to sharing the recording with you – once I get to actually create it!
I had a similar experience with the muse of creativity in the early morning a couple days later when (rather than trying to will myself to sleep) I simply allowed my mind to wander. Again, the themes that emerged played over and over in many iterations. At some point I realized that the clarity I had in that moment wouldn’t survive the distractions of the bright light of day. So this time, I pulled out my phone and captured it in my Notes section – I imagine I’ll get to share these with you in some piece of writing in the future.
Savouring these unbidden moments of creative delight that happened when I stopped fretting about how uncomfortable I was feeling, and let go of my attachment to needing to sleep (so I could avoid the discomfort of tossing and turning) has been a complete surprise – such a cool treasure to discover.
Not unlike the surprise of discovering as I wandered into the garden this morning, the beautiful little yellow flowers that also emerged during this week. I snapped a photo and included it above.
For me it’s been a time of holding things lightly. Trusting in the unfolding. Releasing need for particular outcomes. And letting what is, be enough for today.
I also notice I’ve missed connecting with a number of you, so I’m full of curiosity about what’s happening in your world – if you can join us on Tuesday evening and share some, I hope you will. Together we’ll see how things unfold next week!
As I mentioned, one way of creating (or perhaps renewing) our connection is to join me and some of our Realizing RICH Relationships community Tuesday April 24, from 8-9 ET. It’s our usual 4th Tuesday of the month no cost, At Home with Maralyn & Friends call – the EVENING version.
Remember, you only need to register once for these calls, if you’ve not yet done so and would like to, click here.